he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
