I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
