i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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