I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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