Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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