I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You can't just leave with hair like that
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
