masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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