barbara walters just said penis...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
