We're like a lot better than the average bears
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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