how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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