i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
