You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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