i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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