She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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