Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
