I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
