I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
