My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
they're like a gay fantastic four
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
