I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
