she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I was not drunk enough for that final.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
