lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I think I have vodka in my lungs
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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