Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
