I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
