Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
