her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I think my fart just growled at me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
