went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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