I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It's rum buckets o'clock
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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