I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
