its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
