i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Randomize
