i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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