I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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