Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
