I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
This baby is an asshole
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
