he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
