It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Sacagawea was the original milf.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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