make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
