He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
