I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
