My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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