The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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