hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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