I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
