I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
