and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
