You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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