u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
