Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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