Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
