Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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