i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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