I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
