Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
